Humiliated

Last night, I gt a message from Papa that if I have ttime this morning, I should probably go back home because Mommylo is very sick already. Yes, she’s sick for years now, but last night, she got very weak that they need to check her all night.

Mommylo is turning 80 this August I think, she has Alzheimer’s disease for years, and she has been complaining and wanting to die ever since.

Though we always say that we are letting her go (because she is having a hard time, worse than what Dolphy experienced), she stays alive. And so everyone of us are giving our best to provide for her needs. It is not much but for a typical Filipino family, buying Ensure and Quaker Oats weekly is costly. She can only eat instant oatmeals with milk everyday for the past years.

Unexpectedly, visitors came into our house, they saw how messy our apartment is, and worse, I was humiliated when a friend scolded me for not putting out the trash. And yet I humbled myself in front of everybody as I apologized.

And then I woke up,it was just a dream, but the feeling of being sad is still here, maybe because of the reality of my granny’s condition, and I realized, though I know we are prepared for this day, I can’t hide the fact that I love Mommylo so much, and losing her would mean a great loss in my life.

I’m still hoping that you would wait for me Mommylo.

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