Redemption

A week ago, Karen and I had a fight. No, it wasn’t considered a fight. A misunderstanding. She experienced being stranded and was with a friend. Afraid of being scolded too much, she texted me and asked for my help. The help would be to use my name. She will tell her parents that I was with her. I said yes.

She spent the night there. Of course I was too worried, but hurt at the same time. Hurt because I was jealous, again. Silly me… She got home home the next day…

When she texted me, I knew right there and then that her parents would be mad at me. true enough, they were. I got hurt because, all my efforts to reach out to her parents were all gone…

I forgave her eventually. I was still hurt but a huge part of me wanted her to go and see me.

Last Tuesday, she did. And I became so stubborn. Not knowing that she will be that hurt by my actions.

I so love my bestfriend… na kahit ilang beses niyang ulitin yun, ilang beses ko pa rin siyang patatawarin. Kahit ilang beses niya akong paiyakin, ilang beses ko pa rin siyang hahanapin.

Ang mga takot ko sa buhay na part siya, yung sususkuan niya ako. Yung mapapagod na siya at masasakal. Yung ako ang makakasakit sa kanya.

Alam ko na ang role ko sa buhay niya. Still her bestfriend, syill her Ate…
Alam kong kailangan niya ko for support. Alam ko maraming gagawa nun sa buhay niya, pero alam ong mas may maitutulong ako…

Lately, natutunan ni Karen kung paano ako kausapin. Na lahat ng feelings, sinasabi. It’s a great thing kasi napag uuasapan ng maayos, nalilinaw ang lahat ng issues. Kahit ako minsan hirap sabihin mga bagay bagay kasi feeling ko awkwardd, ngayon hindi na, kasi alam kong pinapakinggan niya ako…

In reality, hindi ko naman talaga kailangan ng isang bestfriend na mag-aalaga or iintindi sa akin. Ang dami kong friends ngayon na gumagawa nun. Though syempre, alam kong gusto ko pa rin nasa tabi ko si Karen lagi…

Wala siyang ibang gagawin kundi magkwento at kausapin ak, enough na for me. Ayokong ako din lagi ang pinag uusapan. Ayaw kong maging selfish…

This is my best already… I can do anything for her… Hm, syempre yung kaya ko lang naman… Limited lang ako eh…

Sabi ko gusto kong hinahanap niya ako… Hehe, pero napakabusy talaga nung tao na yun…

Ang bata niya pa… Wala siyang dapat baguhin para sa akin…

I just hope na maggrow pa siya… Kasi kung hindi na, wala na akong silbi sa buhay niya… Ganun kasimple…

Hindi ko siya kayang pasayahin lagi. Pero kung malungkot siya at sa pakikinig o at paglalambing eh gagaan pakiramdam niya, bakit ko ipagkakait yung mga bagay na yun? I’m best at it.:)

Hindi ko nga alam kung maipapabasa ko ba sa kanya itong blogs na to. Eh thoughts ko to, bakit naman siya magkakainteres basahin to?

I’m so proud of her. Kapatid ang turing ko sa kanya…

Hm, kanino nga ba ako dapat lumapit kapag ako naman ang may kailangan ng lambing? Kay Lord at kanino pa?

Gusto kong isa ako sa definition ng isang bestfriend talaga… Possible kaya yun?

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