The Confession (A Series, Part 1)

Blog Entry THE CONFESSION (A SERIES, PART I) May 10, ’09 8:53 AM
for everyone
In my latest blog not so long time ago, I did mention that I am a jealous person. You can imagine me being the worst jealous person ever (I unintentionally scare a lot of people because of the way I look at them, I STARE… Oh well, I need to accept the fact that yes, I’m SCARY.

DENIAL,it was one of my defense mechanisms ever since (eg. “Uy, di ah!”). I deny things for me to live m life easier. How do I do that? I just confess and believe that I don’t want “it” (whatever it is) even though my heart is refusing to believe it. There are lots in the list that I want to share but I’d just mention those at the top at my list.

Because of a freakin’ magazine, I started feeling a certain feeling that I thought I have forgotten and have thrown a long time ago: THE LONGING TO HAVE A BESTFRIEND…

Even before i wasn’t yet a Christian, there are people who wanted and have asked me if I could be their bestfriend. I had only one qualification back then, that I must be the only one. I guess I was asking too much so I didn’t have a bestfriend until in my fourth year in high school. I deliberately asked a younger friend if I could be her bestfriend, and she said yes. Because of my immaturity and sensitivity, I left her after saying, “Sa kanya ka nalang kung ico-compare mo lang din pala ako.”
After some time, a friend from the church became a bestfriend, until I got bored. I really can’t remember who left who but I think it was I who did it first. And after that, I felt frustrated because of my behavior. I did realize that I wasn’t matured enough to handle such kind of relationship, and that I am capable of deliberately hurting even the people I love the most.And I didn’t like it. Until I became so scared of having a bestfriend.

For more or less six years, I was always trying to change my behavior, to not to be a jealous person, and to learn to be, uhm, patient.

I DON’T(DIDN’T) WANT TO HAVE A BESTFRIEND BECAUSE:
1. Bstfriends are not at their best behavior/self  at times
2. Bestfriends still find better bestfriends
3. So typical
4. Another responsibility, another commitment
5. To have one is to be more prone to hurts and disappointments
6. I would only get jealous anyway

Friend: Dawin, kailan pa naging issue sayo ang bestfriend thing? Hindi mo kailangan ng bestfriend.

Dawin: I refuse to believe you now.

I WANT A BESTFRIEND BECAUSE…

1. I want to have someone who would be proud and would say, Dawin is my bestfriend.”

2. Though I am complete, I (still) want to have someone who would continuously knock at the door even though I refuse to open it.

3. I want somebody who would wake me up just to hug me before going home.

4. I want to be a bestfriend to someone.

Bestfriendship is not about being exclusive, that’s what I have learned. It is about trust given by both parties to each other. It is about being comfortable with the person  you are talking to without feeling any pretension, even if you are at your worst.

I am surrounded with beautiful and too good to be true friends. Being with them makes me feel appreciated, special, and loved. I don’t want to hurt them but rather, I’d do anything to protect them and make them happy. But I don’t want to be somebody else’s bestfriend’s bestfriend.  YES, I MAY BE A BESTFRIEND TO ANYONE, but I know I’m not really the “one”.

Now the barriers have been broken and I’m happy that I have put my thoughts into words. Yes, I may have or may not have changed really, but what I know for sure is that, I HAVE LEARNED.

P.S.
This blog is not for the faint-hearted :nor an ‘advertisement’ for a best-bud hunt.

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12 CommentsChronological   Reverse   Threaded

jpau15
jpau15 wrote on May 10, ’09
i know who’s gonna be your best friend… the one huz gonna call you “his only ONE…”

…….your future husband. =)

p.s. this is not a suggestion, baka maghnap kpa ng asawa.. d pa pwede! haha

blackhairedcreature
blackhairedcreature wrote on May 11, ’09
jpau15 said

i know who’s gonna be your best friend… the one huz gonna call you “his only ONE…”

…….your future husband. =)

p.s. this is not a suggestion, baka maghnap kpa ng asawa.. d pa pwede! haha

freakin’!

Haha.. Thanks Paulo, tama ka naman…:)

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 11, ’09, edited on May 11, ’09
you don’t look for bestfriends, or friends.,
you don’t ask a friend to be your bestfriend either.,

he/she just automatically and naturally comes out, out of nowhere.,

and if ever you did ask anyone and ayaw nya, no worries, it’s her lost!
next!

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 11, ’09

Bestfriendship is not about being exclusive, that’s what I have learned. It is about trust given by both parties to each other. It is about being comfortable with the person you are talking to without feeling any pretension, even if you are at your worst. 

i have learned this too.,
a little too late.,..

tenten21
tenten21 wrote on May 11, ’09
Hehe. Naka-relate naman daw ako.

Naging problema ku din pu yan. I came to the point na I was in desperate need na for a bestfriend. Yet I often leave people who become my “bestfriend” for certain reasons tulad ng “I didn’t feel na I was the only one.”

I’ve been asking Him for a bestfriend for about 8 years and until now, I’m still waiting.

Di bale pu, In God’s time, ibibigay pu Niya yung hinihingi natin, our heart’s desire.

Bestfriend. Life partner. God’s gift.

jpau15
jpau15 wrote on May 11, ’09

., 

haha!! Next!! =)

trashtolife
trashtolife wrote on May 12, ’09
ehehehe…. nice comments… nice thoughts…

blackhairedcreature
blackhairedcreature wrote on May 12, ’09
tenten21 said

Hehe. Naka-relate naman daw ako.

Naging problema ku din pu yan. I came to the point na I was in desperate need na for a bestfriend. Yet I often leave people who become my “bestfriend” for certain reasons tulad ng “I didn’t feel na I was the only one.”

I’ve been asking Him for a bestfriend for about 8 years and until now, I’m still waiting.

Di bale pu, In God’s time, ibibigay pu Niya yung hinihingi natin, our heart’s desire.

Bestfriend. Life partner. God’s gift. 

eight years… whoah…

dadating din siya!:)

heartchiq08
heartchiq08 wrote on Jun 20, ’09
Simula nung nagkaisip ako, best friend na hanap ko. I got too many bestfriendship before and it did all came to the end point. Then one day, I got the girl whom i called “chum” – dictionary’s meaning? CLOSE FRIEND. She’s always there beside my whenever i have problems with person whom I am asking for a bestfriendship which she never accepted. I can’t understand why, until now. Though I am not waiting for her answer until now because the person i used to called chum is the only best friend I’m looking for. Kahit na madami ako na tinatawag o sinasabing best friend ehh, si chum lang naman talaga best friend ko . It’s just that I don’t want those people na masaktan, pag sinabi ko na d ko naman sila best friend .

heartchiq08
heartchiq08 wrote on Jun 20, ’09
just wanna ask, bakit ba dapat isa lang ang best friend?

trashtolife
trashtolife wrote on Jun 21, ’09

just wanna ask, bakit ba dapat isa lang ang best friend? 

siguro kasi di “bestfriends” hehehe. peace.

heartchiq08
heartchiq08 wrote on Jun 29, ’09

siguro kasi di “bestfriends” hehehe. peace. 

ahaha , may point ka !

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