The Prison (A Series, Part III)

 

Blog Entry THE PRISON (A SERIES, PART III) May 20, ’09 9:39 AM
for everyone
I was taught that every person that has breath has its own monster within. Oh well, you can take that literally.  Anyways, because of this belief, i tried discovering the monster in me. And true enough, I do have one. And it always show whenever i am in my most vulnerable moment. And is is kinda scary, really… And from the time I discovered that a hideous creature is living in me, I tried to be good. I tried everything just to hide it. And so, i became one of the most understanding person one could ever meet (oo, nagyayabang ako ngayon)… By doing so, I thought, everyone would accept me because of what I do for them, and the greatest fear, is the fear of rejection. “Will they still accept me if they would see the other side of me?” And by doing so, never did i realize that I was already building a prison for myself:  no one could touch me, and at the same, I couldn’t touch anyone. For how many years, I’ve been like this. I thought i was enjoying, but then, I just learned to get by myself. Sigh…I thought it was just a normal thing.

Because of the prison that I’ve built in years, it is now strong enough that only God could break in/it without the key. Yes, the key? I don’t know where I’ve hidden it. I guess I lost it.

Behind the bars, I’m allowing selected people to  see me inside, even to touch my hands. Few people stay for a while. Others, I dunno. I couldn’t even feel their presence.

All these years, I thought nobody wanted to try breaking in.

Few relationships have become my strengths, but still I know, those are not enough. (God is enough though. )

Few people have seen my monster: My mom, my dad, my siblings.

I don’t really love my monster but somehow, it helps me to get by, to be strong, a sort of protection from disappointments, from hurts, from fears, from anything that would try to break me.

For such a long time, I was waiting for somebody to try and break my prison. And suddenly I felt ashamed when God made me realize that I don’t even have a key to my prison. The thing that imprisons me was made up of hardened love. So hard that even I can’t use it, can’t appreciate its value.

I need a Power Hug to soften my heart!!!! 

And Yes, because of your hugs, I am now okay. the monster is still wandering somewhere but i don’t care. I can manage.

P.S.
Di ba tama naman ako, mahirap di mag-expect? Pero dahil love ko kayo, hindi nalang ako magrereklamo.

Sponsored Links

Shop at the Multiply Marketplace

Low Prices on Shoes, Jewelry, Clothing, Food, Accessories, T-Shirts, Electronics and much more. Safe Shopping from friendly, trusted sellers. Great deals on local items.
10 CommentsChronological   Reverse   Threaded

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 20, ’09
POWER HUG!!
dzing!

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 20, ’09

Others, I dunno. I couldn’t even feel their presence. 

feel me?
hope so.,

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 20, ’09

Anyways, because of this belief, i tried discovering the monster in me. And true enough, I do have one. And it always show whenever i am in my most vulnerable moment. And is is kinda scary, really… 

really?
di naman masyado rosewinda.,
LOL

haven’t witnessed much.,
but the most recent i’ve seen was when you yelled and pinanlakihan mu ng eyes si ace during my depedida in acropolis.,
one of the most gorgeous monsters God has created^^

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 20, ’09

P.S.
Di ba tama naman ako, mahirap di mag-expect? Pero dahil love ko kayo, hindi nalang ako magrereklamo.
 

bato lang ang di nag-eexpect.,
no..kahit bato nageexpect that someone would pick it up para ibato, or kahit tapakan lang.,

but then, the thing is, the world will never live up to our expectations.,
wag ka na nga lang magreklamo.,

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 20, ’09, edited on May 20, ’09

I don’t really love my monster but somehow, it helps me to get by, to be strong, a sort of protection from disappointments, from hurts, from fears, from anything that would try to break me. 

defense mechanism.,
PROJECTION, primitive form of PARANOIA

di siguro balance ang id and superego mu 🙂

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 20, ’09

And from the time I discovered that a hideous creature is living in me, I tried to be good. I tried everything just to hide it. And so, i became one of the most understanding person one could ever meet (oo, nagyayabang ako ngayon).. 

defense mechanism # 3 : ALTRUISM

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 20, ’09

P.S.
Di ba tama naman ako, mahirap di mag-expect? Pero dahil love ko kayo, hindi nalang ako magrereklamo.
 

defense mechanism #4 : RATIONALIZATION
#5 INTELLECTUALIZATION
#6 REPRESSION

blackhairedcreature
blackhairedcreature wrote on May 21, ’09
Ate Maan!!!!!

Masyado mo akong napasaya at napatawa sa comments mo…

Yay!!!

I felt your hug! Whew!

prinzesmaan
prinzesmaan wrote on May 21, ’09, edited on May 21, ’09
haha!
told you.,

you know im working in a PSYCHIATRIC FACILITY right?^^

Lorazepam 1mg, 1-2 tablets every 4hours, up to 6 tablets a day as needed for agitation.,

trashtolife
trashtolife wrote on May 25, ’09
HIHIHI… ANG CUTE NYONG DALAWA…Hahaha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: